A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to listen to Rene Redzepi talk.
He talked of the pressure of being crowned the Best restaurant in the World in 2010 (and for three years running after that).
And how ultimately it felt as if this crowning- the ultimate in success- had killed his creativity.
What he could he aim for now?
It was so beautiful listening to him speak eloquently of how it affected him & how it was the driving force behind beginning a journal. It was his way of rediscovering his creativity- his 'fearlessness'.
He described this point in his life as a breakdown. A confusion of feelings of failure & exhaustion all the while mixed together with public adulation & apparent success.
He read directly from his journal and added more descriptions and pictures.
He has recently published this journal- a 3 book collection called 'A Work in Progress'.
This talk affected me deeply.
He talked about vulnerabilty, his fear of failure, his love of the creative process. About how success is crippling to the creative process in that it stifles the ability to take risks.
For him this manifested as feeling the need to keep giving the same things that led to the success in the first place & that this stopped him trying out new things.
He came very very close to shutting the restaurant right at the time of it's highest success. It all became too much.
I went home & could not sleep.
I read and read and read and read some more.
It was reading his words about creativity & the fear of failure (amongst others) that has led me to take the giant leap.
"Just play around like there is nothing to lose".