What really happens at our dinner table.

Over the last couple of weeks I have had some of the loveliest things happen.

Shared with beautiful peeps.

I had a lovely lunch at my place with 3 special gals.

It was the bestest.

Pip wrote about it here.

I also had a fellow blogger (Suz) write about how a post of mine has helped create a positive change in her life.

She had come across it as I was conversing with another mum about her previously adventurous eaters' new 'Fussy' stage.  She had asked my advice.

My advice was to 'Give up worrying about it & serve Weetbix' ...well actually I advised Porridge as I know this little lovely has a special love for Oats.

This was an online conversation on Twitter (do you use Twitter? I do - you can find me here.).

She had read the post (which explains my position & experience in more detail) I had linked my other friend to and she wrote about how it had helped her here.

I cried & cried when I read it.

Who would have ever guessed that something I wrote could so profoundly affect someone in such a positive way.

Well at least I NEVER did.

It filled me up.

I overflowed out of my eyeballs.

I felt that as a blogger I could hang up my Clogs...so to speak.

I also had a mum stop me at the stupidmarket to tell me I revolutionised dinnertime at her house.

She has started to serve weetbix when the kids start a fuss.

She had asked me....pleaded with me months ago about how I manage dinner at my place and stay sane.

I pointed her to this same post.

She wasn't a mum I saw regularly.

And I hadn't seen her since we had that conversation.

It was so lovely to hear that for her the mealtime stress has changed in such a positive way.

What was the most interesting of all was that she said that her children seem to have become less resistant to meals too.

As parents of little kids I reckon the stress can be split in half between sleep stress and eating stress.

We seem to judge ALL of our success on either or both of these things.

We seem to have this dark cloud that hovers over us that is dinner or bedtime.

I imagine too that when people see my pictures that I post of the dinners I make here or on my Facebook page or on Instagram (you can find me there at: gourmetgirlfriend)
that lots of people imagine my 5 kids sitting up at the table eating EVERYTHING I serve.

It ain't like that!

I don't want people thinking that.

My little 3 are still pretty unadventurous and will have things like toasties or eggs or speedy noodle dishes, the kinds of recipes that I write about in Tiny & Little magazine.  Meals for their age.  Simple, good quality, nutritious food.

The dishes you see here are really the ones I make for me & Hubs & the big 2 (age 11 &13).
The Big 2 were difficult as younger children too but are now willing & able to eat EVERYTHING that is served.
They don't love everything but they do try- and are expected to.
The Weetbix fallback is still there if they are not in love with what gets served.
Respecting the cook is still an expectation. A nod to the effort is gratefully received (and EXPECTED) but I certainly will not force them to eat food they don't like.  I respect their choice and their different palates.

I cook these delicious meals because I WANT to, because I LOVE to, because it gives ME joy- the preparing but most of all the SHARING.

I don't do it because I think it makes me a better person or a better mother.

Yes I DO feel strongly about my children being educated about food ethics & I DO want them to have a healthy attitude towards food & I DO want them to have an understanding of the provenance of their food & I DO want them to appreciate the effort that goes into cooking a meal & I DO expect the mealtime to be a time of enjoyment & fun & of sharing ......but I DON'T expect them to eat the same as me.  I just don't.

What really happens is that I often serve a meal for the littlies that is different to mine.

What really happen is that it is not gourmet EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

What happens is I REALLY serve ice cream for dinner sometimes. YES. REALLY.

What happens is I get upset too that my kids don't always like what I cook.

What happens is I now focus on the dinner table being a joyful place to be.  Not necessarily a gourmet place to EAT.  There is a BIG difference.

What happens is that we have candles- even when it is Weetbix all round.

What happens is we have music playing.

My message is that NO mother on this planet is to be judged to be a better mother because of the dinner she cooked.

At then end of the day it is......like everything else about LOVE.

Not dinner.

GOURMET GIRLFRIEND'S CHICKEN, SAGE & GREEN PEPPERCORN PIE:
I'm so happy the cold is coming back.
Mostly because I can bring out my stripey tights but also because it is PIE weather!
I made this recipe up years and years ago & have been loving it ever since.  Several of my besties also love it and I know they cook it at theirs too. Happiness making.
When my eldest came home from camp last night I was all ready to make Hainan Chicken rice as I know it is a real fave of his but he surprised me by asking for my Chicken pie.
I was happy to oblige! I LOVE it too and there was a crispness in the air asking for it!
I couldn't believe I hadn't put it up on my blog....so here it is!
WHAT YOU WILL NEED:

• 750g Organic chicken thigh fillets, sliced into chunks
• 1 tablespoon EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil)
• 4 tablespoons plain flour
• 2 cups chicken stock
• 2 cloves garlic, peeled & finely chopped
• 3 tablespoons green peppercorns (you can use pink and u can reduce the number if you think it might be a bit much but i LOVE the tangy crunch and surprisingly so do my kids!)
• 8 sage leaves, chopped fine
• 2 zucchini, cubed
• 3 rashers bacon, diced
• 1 sheet of puff pastry
• 1 egg (to brush pastry)

METHOD:
Preheat oven to 180C.
Heat a nonstick pan to a medium/high heat.
Add EVOO.
Add bacon and fry till brown, add Garlic and stir for a minute.
Add sage and peppercorns.

Raise heat to High.
Add chicken and brown.

Dust flour over the ingredients and stir for a minute or so to cook the flour.
Add Zucchini.
Now add the chicken stock and stir till thickened.


POur mix into an ovenproof dish and top with the Puff pastry.
Make a little hole to allow steam to escape.
I HAVE to make some sort of picture on top of the pie.
I find it NECESSARY & of course it tastes better!
Brush with egg wash and pop in oven for 30 minutes or until brown.

Serve with Buttery Mash!
YUM!!!!


Here is a little sneak preview of new M.Ward. Can't wait for his new album. YAYNESS:

Independence & maturing palates

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with the lovely Karen Martini of Mr. Wolf .

She was following up on a conversation we had ages ago about my two eldest boys (aged 12 &10) & their love for the spicy relish known as Kasundi.  She wanted my boys to cook her recipe and to see how they liked it.  She also wanted me to share our experience with you.

These 2 of my 5 little boys are the most adventurous eaters.  They will now try everything that is placed in front of them and are VERY keen and VERY capable cooks in their own right.  They also have a pretty good chili tolerance as they now eat with Hubby & I and we eat alot of food with chili.

I have written before about how this wasn't always so......hang in there if you have fussy eaters.  Really in the scheme of things it doesn't really matter but I do have empathy as believe me I have them too!  And I know the feeling all too well of wanting so desperately that your children will just eat what you cook without all the the palaver.

The irony is that my 10yo was my worst eater by FAR!!!

He survived for years on pretty much green apples & peanut butter sandwiches! YIKES.

It wasn't easy for me to witness and I certainly didn't want it to be that way.  I would perservere with serving my delicious meals hoping that he would one day eat them. But every time.....every time- he would end up with a bowl of Weet-Bix!

I'm not really sure when it all changed.....but it has.  I think that allowing them some independence in the kitchen has given them confidence to try new things and taken some of the mystery out of food.  But really I am not sure.

My 12yo has heleped organise a party at school tomorrow to celebrate a class achievement and is planning on making a Roast Pumpkin quiche and a Morello Cherry Clafoutis when he gets home from school today to take in to share...as you do!

One thing I do know is that letting your kids be independent in the kitchen cannot hurt....can it?

My 10yo is amazing now.  Much more adventurous than most adults actually.  His latest request is lambs brains.  Now I don't know too many adults that would be willing to give that a go- do you?

Anyway.....sometime into his new adventurous eating ways he discovered Kasundi and pretty much ate entire jars with a spoon.  He LOVED it!

Before we knew it the jar was empty!

He kept asking if we could buy more.  I told him it was easy to make and he was welcome to have a go.

Enthusiastically he found a recipe and got started.  It was delicious.  Spicy, tasty and rich.

Delicious on ham sandwiches, next to fish, alongside a curry- or just straight from the jar with a spoon!

They made Karen's recipe yesterday.

Here's some pics of them while they cooked.  They make a fab kitchen team.  Lots of fun, laughs & of course they choose great music.  

We can learn a lot from how much fun kids have when they cook.

10yo carefully measuring spices

Peeling the garlic

The final result is DELICIOUS!!!!!

And guess what's in their sandwiches at school today?

So here's the recipe.........and the boys are very excited about giving a jar to Karen for her to try.

KAREN MARTINI'S INDIAN STYLE TOMATO & MANGO KASUNDI:

Karen's recipe makes about 600g or 6 cups. My lads halved the recipe.


WHAT YOU WILL NEED:

• 2 1/2 tablespoons brown mustard seeds
• 2 tablespoons Nigella seeds
• 500mls apple cider vinegar
• 250gms fresh ginger, peeled and chopped
• 20 cloves of garlic, peeled
• 2 x 810gm tinned crushed tomatoes
• 40mls olive oil
• 12 large red chillies, split, deseeded and chopped
• 5 firm mangoes or 1kg frozen mango flesh, cut into large chunks
• 6 cloves
• 2 large brown onions, finely diced
• 60gms flaked salt
• 250g brown sugar
• 2tbsp turmeric
• 6 tbsp cumin powder
• 2 tsp chilli powder
• 2 tblspoon of coriander seeds.

METHOD:

Soak Mustard seeds in hot vinegar and let sit for 30 minutes.
Place soaked mustard seeds in a blender, add the garlic & ginger and blend until smooth.

Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over high heat for 1 minute and then pull off the heat for a moment to add the cumin, turmeric, coriander seeds and nigella seeds.

Fry for 20 seconds, then add the mustard seed mix, chillies and onion and bring to simmer over a medium heat.
Add the tomato, mango, brown sugar and salt.

Reduce to low and simmer gently, stirring occasionally for 1 hour, then pour into clean jars.

Here's the music that was playing. One of the kids faves:

Fussy eaters

It is most parent's nightmare........serving food to our children every night.

It is something I have given a lot of thought.

Why is it that after all the things we do quietly all day long for our children that we tend to judge ourselves solely on our children's reactions to what they are served and what they will eat at the end of the day?  I do suspect it has something to do with tiredness but........

Parents are the worst judges of their own behaviour and definitely give the Catholic church a run for their money when it comes to guilt.  Our minds flurry with self directed insults.......see list below and see if any have crept into your head sometime. 

• "I am such a bad parent- my children won't eat (insert any number of food types here)".

•  "If only I had made my child sit at the table until they finished their dinner when they were a baby they would be eating whatever I served now."

•  "I wish my child ate like (insert someone else's child's name here who you once saw eat something your child won't"

• "I dont know why I bother to cook dinner only to chuck it in the bin"

We all know the list could go on........

As you know I have five young boys- aged 12, 10, 7, 4 and nearly 2.

 I have asked all of the things on the list and many many more over my time as a parent.

I used to give myself SUCH a hard time over what my children would eat.  I am the most guilty parent going around who judged myself entirely on dinnertime success.

I look back now and ask "What the???"

I can laugh now especially as my fussiest eater whose diet was solely peanut butter sandwiches (at least they were on wholemeal bread!) and green apples is now my most adventurous eater.  He is 10.  He is the one who so excitedly dealt with the gutting of the sardines in a previous post.   He is the one who when we go to the market seeks out the items that are challenging for most adults and asks if we can buy it and cook something.  Last market trip it was tripe.  He loved the way it looked.  Food aversions aside it is a beautiful thing!

Anyway little Mr.10 cooked it up according to a traditional Italian recipe and we shared it with our extended family. Delicious.  All but 2 of the 9 children at the table devoured it.

His favourite foods now are the most adventurous of all of my five.  Hot curries, cheese (especially from Bruny Island Cheese- and the stinky, gooey and blue are his special faves), offal, weird and wonderful fruits (custard apple his current fave) don't put him off anymore.  Don't get me wrong- he doesn't eat ALL things by any means but he will try whatever is out in front of him- even things he has tried time and time again and doesn't like.  He still won't eat most tomato based cooked sauces- and when you think about it this rules out a lot of food.  No spaghetti bolognaise for him- CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????!!!! Have you ever heard of a child who doesn't LOVE it?? He just has cooked pasta with parmesan cheese instead.  Despite what you think- very healthy in itself and  no effort for me.

Why did I expend so much energy giving myself a hard time on something that in the scheme of things in fairly insignificant.

I have mentioned on a previous post about my children being very different.  Well of course they are!  Think about it like putting five of your friends together in a room .  You would never expect them to be the same would you?  Well either are my children....thank goodness.

Maybe this is where we find it so had to serve a family dinner that everyone eats.  We have an expectation that everyone eats the same things and enjoys it. For me there are five little people's food tastes to cater for- no mean feat to find meals that they all eat.  Why, when we happily accept that personality is unique, do we expect that our palate is not?  When you go out to dinner- do all your friends order the same thing? I doubt it.

OK- it is all sounding as scarily like I am leading to cooking five different meals. NO WAY!

I'm going to let you in on a mind blowing secret of mine! You know what liberated me from the stress? Brace yourself...........

I GAVE UP!

I didn't give up serving dinner but I gave up expecting them all to like the same things.  And I gave up expecting all five of them to eat the meal put in front of them.  Don't get me wrong- you can hear the screams of delight in the next neighbourhood on the rare occasions that they all do eat the same dinner! 

As a child growing up in a family of five kids also it was the same for us.  We liked different things.  It became especially apparent when we all started having to cook for the family (I was 10) once a week.  Mum knew that the only way to get us cooking was to let us choose what we wanted.....mmmm ham steak and pineapple anyone?? Ooops! But her theory worked. All five of us are now keen cooks.

I already loved curries and I still cook the same curry now that  I cooked as my first meal for the family.
It came from the Asian cooking bible- Charmaine Solomon's Complete Asian cookbook.  I am happy to say this is one of the few dishes that my children all eat (and one of the few with cooked tomatoes that Mr.10 eats).

It is a Malaysian chicken curry.  As a beginner I forgot to add one of the ingredients (there were quite a few!) that first time (coconut milk) but  I have to say I still prefer it without.
Click here for an adaptation of Charmaine Solomon's recipe.

One sibling had a special love for porridge.  Porridge it was for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Actually I am being unfair........sometimes he had weet-bix.  My mum decided it was a battle not worth waging.  He was growing and healthy.  The irony is that as a young adult he trained as a chef and is now a wonderful cook with an adventurous palate. 

I cook one dinner for my kids and those who don't like it can serve themselves Weet-Bix....but not until they have at least thanked me for my effort while I mutter "You little bastard do you know how much effort I have gone to?" under my breath! 

A while ago one of my most precious friends taught me a trick to deal with all tricky situations and here is where it comes in very handy.  "Put it in a bubble and blow it away".  Very freeing indeed.

I know now that my stress about mealtimes came from a place where I wanted my children to love the things I did (food especially)- but what I forgot was that for me it is the act of sharing that is important not the food itself.  More than anything I don't want them to grow up finding being at the table anything but an enjoyable experience. 

Can I say all this now because my older children have given up their food anxieties?.....that I don't think I can answer but giving up the stress was good for me and I know that that was DEFINITELY good for them. 

Sitting at the table at the end of the day is lovely.  We light candles and somebody chooses music.  It is generally not too stressful and pretty enjoyable.  Sometime it is a full blown disaster- but hey I have 5 kids!

So tonight when your kids kick up a fuss about dinner- break out the weet bix, open the wine kick back and stop beating yourself up.  After all when you think about it there aren't too many adults out there that are still eating weet-bix for dinner are there!

*Cheers*

We are often listening to this at dinner........