Thursday, 10 May 2012

In the dark there is brightness

It has been yard yakka at Chez GG for two and a bit weeks.

I have been reminded of how BIG my job is.

How when things are going great it is still a fine balancing act of fulfilling the demands of a whole lot of humans.

And then illness hits and the bundle is dropped fair and square on the floor.

Chaos takes over.

Mess invades.

Washing piles up and up and up.

A lot of Weetbix gets served for breakfast AND dinner.

Last night I was exhausted beyond words.

I was struggling to stay warm and needed a scalding shower to warm me.

I just wanted to curl up under my quilt at 7 o'clock.

But even getting to my bed seemed like too much effort.

I was too tired to even want to pour myself my "cheers o'clock" drink.

That is something I LOVE to do.

It feels as though it is a celebration of getting through.

A shout out to myself that I made it!

I conquered another day.

Not last night......

Then I got a text from my walking buddy to confirm that we were on for our morning walk the following day.

I could have so easily opted out at that moment.

The thought of getting up out of bed before dawn just seemed like the last thing on earth I wanted to do.

But I said YES emphatically.

You know why?

Because for the first time in nearly 15 years I am doing something for ME.

I had an "A-ha" moment a few months back.
The realisation that the sudden desire to want to exercise wasn't going to gift itself to me- even though I was a needy recipient.

That I needed to gift MYSELF the exercise with or without the desire.

And 6am most mornings of the week and on some weekend days I get woken by an alarm and I stumble out of my warm and delicious bed to get dressed to meet a friend to walk.

This is what it looks like:

Yet it has become one of the brightest parts of my day.

Walking in the dark & cold.  How could that be?

Well.....what I have realised is that for nearly 15 years I have woken, not because my body knew it had enough rest (cause boy oh boy it NEVER felt rested) but because I have been woken by one or more of the kids.

In this time I  never allowed myself to rise and let my mind be free from the demands of my job.

Normally I wake and it is ALL on!

Lunches, breakfasts, washing, dishwasher, packing bags, feeding animals, getting to school.

And while I would make myself a coffee- or 3- I rarely had enough time to feed myself breakfast.

That would come after I got home.

So much was bad about this.

I was coming last ALL of the time!

It was bad for my health but most of all bad for my SOUL.

Now I have gone out and walked 3 kms and come home and got my brekky- yes MY brekky-before anyone is even awake.

I have quiet.


There is sooooo much light for me walking in the darkness.

So even when I am DOG tired at the end of the day I know that I WILL get up in the dark the next day.

It is my gift to myself.

And sometimes the Universe gives me a little gift in return.

It looks like this:

GOURMET GIRLFRIEND'S BUCKWHEAT PORRIDGE with Pistachios, Ricotta & Green Apple:
As I now have more time I am trying to make myself something really delicious and nutritious for brekky after my walk.
I am loving the readily available mix of seeds and grains that are around now.
I wanted to give Buckwheat a go. I hadn't had it before.
It is a great gluten free alternative to regular porridge.
Buckwheat is actually a fruit seed that is related to Rhubarb and Sorrel and not related to Wheat at all.
It has a lovely nutty flavour.
This makes a single serve

  • 1 cup of Buckwheat
  • 2 1/2 cups of Milk
  • honey
  • 1 green apple
  • 1/4 cup fresh Ricotta
  • 4 tablespoons Pistachio nuts
In a small pan add Buckwheat and mik. 
Set heat at medium and bring to a simmer.
Cook while stirring for about 25 minutes or until the Buckwheat is soft but still has some bite.
You may need to add a little more milk. Just keep an eye on it!

Remove from heat.

Grate the apple over the top.
Sprinkle with Pistachios and crumble the Ricotta gently over.
Now drizzle with honey and enjoy!

I have shared Ane Brun before ( I am a big fan) but this seems rather parfait non?!
The words.... "there's no use taking a step back from me...". yep. too true.


  1. Oh Yay - So glad I am your walking buddy! Glad you said yes last night and glad this morning and shared your extraordinary bed head ; ) Thanks for sharing your me time too xx

  2. Wow.... I've always looked at exercise as a chore. A time stealer. Never have I looked at it as " a gift to myself."

    I'm going to try very hard to gift myself some exercise. Some quiet time. Some time for me because I deserve that right?

  3. Getting up just to walk is such a hard thing for me. It is great to read how wonderful it is if I just made the effort.

  4. You are rocking on all fronts, walking, nutritious brekkie, time to is a necessity as a mama. Best wishes

  5. I loved reading this post! I've been going to the gym with a friend lately to take a class twice a week and it's so hard for me too, but like you said, it's doing something for me. I really love how you expressed this feeling and I totally agree. Keep up the good walking and thank you for your words.

  6. Love this post so much! I've started running in the morning with a friend too and the mindset that comes with doing something for myself and getting up because I want to is amazing. Plus, we do get that lovely bonus of seeing the sun rise and those beautiful first rays of day. xxx

  7. It sure is a gift. Even as I am hating it with every step, up on the side of Mount Ainslie, in the early morning, by myself, it is for me.
    And it feels good. I am with you xox

  8. I love this post - I think of exercise as freedom from everything else and it is delicious. I hope the illness that has descended on the boys lifts soon and you start to get your cheers clock mojo back.

  9. You know you inspire me in all kinds of ways dear GG. I needed to tell you that in the last week or foods got tried by my big boy.....Carrot soup (tried but didn't finish), Spring rolls made with duck inside (tried and ate!!!!), spinach and ricotta triangles (tried and ate).....there has been muchos weet bix too but we are getting there xo

  10. congratulations ---continue to enjoy your successes.!

  11. Ah you are just magnificent. Love you forever.

  12. This post made me a little teary. You are so clever and wise Ruth. Here's to having some precious time for you in the morning

  13. I love to imagine you striding out with your buddy in the cold mornings. Fantastic to know you are being good to your oh so dear self. I'm going to try that buckwheat too! jomamaxxxx

  14. I so have to pull my finger out, stop making excuses and get up and go walking. You may have just inspired me. Bu The way LOVE Ane Brun - I downloaded her album Spending Time with Morgan last week and I love it. xx

  15. Absolutely love this post! I love that you are doing this for yourself. In spite of everything that goes on, when it would be so easy to let it slide, to give in and say 'oh I'll do it tomorrow instead'. Go Ruth!
    And yes, finding joy in the little things, in the everyday, is what it's all about.

    After years of knowing damn well that I was eating things I really shouldn't, it wasn't until I told myself that my 'treat' was NOT eating it, THAT was me being nice to myself, then it all fell into place and suddenly I could do it! And I did it! Best feeling in the world.


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